I remember when I first moved to Australia. I noticed something strange. I noticed at kids’ birthday parties that alcohol was always present, regardless of the time of day. I would take my boys to cricket matches on the weekend and would notice other parents sometimes socialising on the boundary, drinks in hand, even at 10am. 

In fact, any form of event would inevitably feature alcohol in some way. Please understand. I am no prude. I consume alcohol. But this struck me as odd.I have come to realise that drinking alcohol is tightly interwoven with Australian culture, and that men are particularly impacted by masculine norms that view drinking as central to what we call mate ship.

“In their most extreme forms, norms idealise extreme intoxication, violence, pressuring other people to drink and drink-driving, but it can also be found in more subtle ways, like banter and not taking good care of friends when drinking, which can result in harms as well,” says Dr Michael Savic, Senior Research Fellow (Addiction Studies) and Strategic Lead of the Clinical and Social Research Team at Turning Point and Monash University.

Let’s call it out. There is no safe level of alcohol consumption. To reduce the risk of harm from alcohol-related disease or injury, and based on the latest medical evidence, healthy men and women should drink no more than 10 standard drinks a week and no more than four standard drinks on any one day. Now pause. Check in with yourself for a minute. Do the math (no not what you tell your doctor but what you ACTUALLY drink).

Why should this matter? The risks of drinking excessively are significant. While consuming alcohol you’re at greater risk of falls, accidents, conflict, and the consequences of lowered inhibitions and risky behaviours. Long-term alcohol consumption contributes to more than 200 different types of diseases and injury including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, cancer, liver disease, anxiety and depression. 

Critically for men — who make up 75% of suicides in Australia — alcohol is one of the most significant risk factors for self-harm. Harmful alcohol use can affect your relationships with your partner, family and friends, or impact your work and finances. That said, I know a few high functioning alcoholics, folks who are able to consume prodigious amounts but who appear to suffer few if any of these symptoms. So here are few signs that you might need help:

• 
  Needing to drink more to feel the same effects
• 
  Not feeling in control of your drinking
• 
  Struggling with work, education or relationships for no other obvious reason
• 
  Feeling the need to lie about how much you drink or hiding your alcohol consumption
• 
  Craving alcohol and feeling anxious about when you will be able to drink
• 
  Justifying your drinking habits with spurious claims (“I have some of my best ideas after a couple of pints”)
• 
  Experiencing nausea, sweating, shakiness and anxiety if you stop after a period of heavy drinking

Unhelpfully, many media representations of treatment revolve around the need  to uproot your life and go to rehab. Seeking help can be seen as a weakness and counter to those masculine ideals of self-reliance and stoicism. The stigma around alcohol problems can also prevent men from seeking help. 

So where to start? Well, the more we talk about it, the more we can share stories and understand and learn from other people’s experience. We start to realise that this can happen to anyone. 

And maybe that is something we need to work on, building meaningful friendships built on open and honest dialogue. When I lived in UK I had a few mates but a larger group of core friends that I could talk with openly. In Australia I found I had plenty of mates, but few friends with whom I could connect more meaningfully. I wonder if that dynamic encourages more drinking?

Because often the best thing to do is discuss with a friend, and if needed visit your local GP. The fact is there are many options and resources available. And if you are reading this article and it touches a nerve, please consider any of the following; 

• The Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline on 1800 250 015
• Counsellingonline.org.au
   offers alcohol and other drug support and confidential, free, 24/7 counselling
• If you’re a friend or family member of someone with addiction, BreakThrough
   offers a range of resources to support you and your loved one

There’s a reason the podcast Don’t Let the Old Man In resonates with thousands of men in their 50s. It speaks to the quiet war many fight against obsolescence, irrelevance, and a determination to navigate life’s crossroads with clarity and confidence. And likewise, if you’re reading this, you haven’t given up. You’re still curious. Maya Angelou once said, “If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” Midlife career change isn’t about being extraordinary. It’s about being aligned—with yourself.

Stephen Keys is the Producer of the Don’t Let the Old Man In podcast. Listen on YouTube, Apple, Spotify or wherever you tune in. Find more thoughts on living gracefully (and disgracefully) in the second half of life at The Wisdom Vault, on LinkedIn, Substack and even (!) Instagram.