Men Don’t Cry (Except at Rocky IV)

Most blokes over 50 can still rattle off the 1998 State of Origin lineup — but ask them the last time they had an honest emotional conversation, and you’ll likely get a blank stare, or a grunt. We were raised with rules: don’t cry, suck it up, carry on. Emotions? Those were for women, poets, or the losing team.

But here’s the sobering truth: this old-school stoicism is killing us. Men in Australia are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. That’s not a mental health statistic — that’s a cultural crisis.

What if the definition of masculinity we grew up with — tough, silent, self-reliant — isn’t just outdated but dangerous? What if the strongest thing you can say isn’t “I’m fine”… but “I’m not”?

The Emotional Straitjacket We Called “Manhood”

The emotional rulebook for boys starts early: Don’t cry. Harden up. Don’t be a girl. These mantras follow us into adulthood, where pain gets stuffed down and only resurfaces as rage, withdrawal, or sarcasm at the family BBQ.

The RACGP and Life in Mind Australia both identify stoicism and emotional suppression as key risk factors for male suicide. We’ve been taught to bottle up our stress, our grief, our confusion. But as anyone who has put a glass bottle by a burning fire pit know, a  bottle can only hold so much before it explodes — or breaks quietly.

In one study from Beyond Blue, men cited shame, fear of weakness, and “not wanting to burden others” as the biggest reasons they don’t reach out. Ironically, those same men would drop everything to help a mate. Go figure.

When Therapy Looks Like a Man Cave

Enter: Man Therapy. It sounds like a joke. That’s the point. Starring a fictional therapist named Dr. Rich Mahogany — a deadpan, flannel-shirt-wearing cross between Ron Swanson and Dr. Phil — the campaign uses humour to break down resistance.

One of their taglines: “It’s OK to cry. Even if it’s not about sports.” Another funny tagline of theirs that I like is, “You can’t fix your mental health with duct tape.” It’s comedy with a purpose — and it works. A study in the Journal of Mental Health Promotion found that Man Therapy led to a statistically significant reduction in depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation among men aged 40–65.

Callout

“It’s OK to cry. Even if it’s not about sports.”

Why? Because laughter disarms. It slips past defenses. And when your therapist makes dad jokes while talking about trauma, suddenly it doesn’t feel so scary to open up.

Not all men want to laugh. Some want facts, simplicity, and straight-up advice. That’s where HeadsUpGuys shines. Designed by the University of British Columbia, it’s a no-frills, no-BS mental health resource tailored specifically for men. It offers self-assessments, action plans, and real stories from real men — not celebrities, not gurus, just blokes who’ve been through the fire and made it out the other side. Their messaging? Seeking help isn’t weakness. It’s maintenance. Like changing the oil before your engine seizes.
Past attendees have called it ‘Real Talk’ and ‘ A no fluff approach’, which is why HeadsUpGuys suits many men.

The Power of “R U OK?”

Then there’s the quiet revolution: R U OK? Day. It’s not therapy. It’s not tech. It’s just four words. But those four words have started thousands of life-saving conversations. In Australia’s footy sheds, on mining sites, at barbecues and boardrooms, this simple check-in is challenging the unspoken bro-code. You don’t have to “fix” your mate. You just have to ask. Listen. And follow up. According to the R U OK? Foundation, 78% of Australians have been asked the question — but fewer than 50% had a genuine conversation afterward. That’s the next frontier: going beyond the ritual into real connection.

Stuart O’Neill, founder of Just One Reason set up his health clinic in his pub in country NSW. Every Tuesday night people drive for miles to come and talk, listen, be witnessed. He has tapped into something primal which is, create a safe space in a familiar location and people will talk to each other. Pubs have always been that space for men.

Rewriting the Script, One Laugh and Conversation at a Time

What unites these campaigns — from the satire of Man Therapy to the stoic straight-talk of HeadsUpGuys, to a country pub — is simple: they meet men where they are. They don’t demand vulnerability overnight. They don’t shame silence. Instead, they offer new scripts, new language, and — most importantly — permission. That is , permission to not be the unflinching hero all the time. To be human. To say, “This is hard.” Or even, “Help.”

It’s like that quote from Muhammad Ali: “It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.” We’ve all got pebbles. Maybe it’s time to start talking about them. Philosopher Brené Brown said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.” That’s not weakness. That’s bravery.

So next time a mate says, “I’m fine,” maybe don’t take his word for it. Ask twice. Or just sit beside him with a beer — and a bit more curiosity. Because real mates don’t let mates suffer in silence. And real men? They talk. They feel. They cry during Rocky IV — and maybe The Notebook, too (but only if asked directly).

There’s a reason the podcast Don’t Let the Old Man In resonates with thousands of men in their 50s. It speaks to the quiet war many fight against obsolescence, irrelevance, and a determination to navigate life’s crossroads with clarity and confidence. And likewise, if you’re reading this, you haven’t given up. You’re still curious. Maya Angelou once said, “If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” Midlife career change isn’t about being extraordinary. It’s about being aligned—with yourself.

Pod O’Sullivan is the host of the Don’t Let the Old Man In podcast. Listen on YouTube, Apple, Spotify or wherever you tune in. Find more thoughts on living gracefully (and disgracefully) in the second half of life at The Wisdom Vault, on LinkedIn, Substack and even (!) Instagram.

Mate, You’re Not Fine — And That’s Fine: Rethinking Masculinity in Midlife

Most blokes over 50 can still name every player from the ‘98 State of Origin team — but couldn’t tell you the last time they had an honest chat about how they’re really doing.

We were raised with a simple rulebook: don’t cry, don’t complain, and don’t show weakness. That code might’ve got us through work deadlines and broken hot water systems, but it’s failing us where it matters most — our mental health.

Suicide remains one of the leading causes of death for Australian men. Silence, not sadness, is killing us.

But the tide is turning.

Campaigns like Man Therapy, fronted by the fictional but relatable Dr. Rich Mahogany, use humour to cut through the resistance. One of my favourite lines? “It’s OK to cry. Even if it’s not about sports.” A recent study in the Journal of Mental Health Promotion found it actually reduced depressive symptoms among midlife men.

On the flip side, platforms like HeadsUpGuys offer direct, no-nonsense tools for men who want help without fluff. 66% of men who used it said they’d now seek support — many for the first time.

Then there’s R U OK? Day — a four-word prompt that continues to start real conversations on worksites, in locker rooms and lunchrooms across the country.

Here’s what I believe: we don’t need to tear masculinity down. We just need to expand it.

Strength isn’t saying “I’m fine” when you’re not. It’s picking up the phone. It’s checking in on a mate. It’s leading by example and making it OK for the men around you to talk too.

If you’re feeling burnt out, disconnected, or stuck, you’re not weak. You’re human. And there’s support — if we’re willing to reach for it.

👉 Check out mantherapy.org, headsupguys.org, or simply text a mate today.
💬 And if this post hits close to home, drop a comment below — or share it with someone who might need it.

Because real mates talk. And the strongest men I know? They do both the lifting and the listening.

Substack version

Mate, You’re Not Fine — And That’s Fine

Hey mates,

I want to talk about something that sits at the heart of many midlife reckonings. It’s not money. It’s not retirement plans. It’s not even health.

It’s silence.

Specifically — the silence many men were raised to carry. The kind that kills.

Real Men Don’t Talk? Rubbish.

We grew up in a time where stoicism was a virtue. Where tears were a liability. Where emotions were best left for the women in our lives. And let’s be honest — for many of us, that script worked. For a while.

Until it didn’t.

Until the kids left home. Or a divorce shook the walls. Or the career we spent 30 years building suddenly left us empty. Or the mate who was always “fine” suddenly wasn’t here anymore.

The Old Code Is Killing Us

Suicide is still one of the leading causes of death for Australian men — especially over 50. It outpaces road accidents, cancer, and chronic illness. Why? Because too many of us don’t talk. And too many of us don’t ask.

But something’s shifting.

Campaigns like Man Therapy are reframing mental health with humour. Imagine a moustachioed therapist named Dr. Rich Mahogany saying, “You can’t fix your feelings with duct tape.”

Turns out, humour works. According to the Journal of Mental Health Promotion, men who engaged with the site showed significant reductions in depressive symptoms.

HeadsUpGuys — from the University of British Columbia — takes another approach: straight, practical, and evidence-based. Their tools help men move from stuck to supported — and two-thirds of first-time users say they’d now seek help.

And here in Australia, R U OK? Day continues to prove that genuine connection starts with four little words.

Masculinity Isn’t the Problem. The Old Script Is.

Masculinity doesn’t need to be dismantled. It needs to be expanded.

To include:

• The strength to ask for help.
• The courage to show up honestly.
• The wisdom to sit beside a mate who’s hurting and not fix, just listen.

The good news? The script is changing. Podcasts like “The Imperfects,” movements like Men’s Sheds, and online spaces like this one are making room for real talk.

Let’s Bring This Home

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re in a rough patch. Or maybe you’ve come through one, and you’re wondering how to help others.

Start small. Ask a mate how they’re really doing. Check out HeadsUpGuys or Man Therapy. Text someone. Call your brother. Tell your story.

I believe midlife can be a season of power and reinvention — but only if we have the right conversations.

And if you’re stuck right now, know this: you’re not broken. You’re not alone. You’re just human. And the bravest thing you can do might be the simplest:

Speak up.
Pod